11Blues: The Unofficial Chelsea Blog and News

According to Mark Hughes, “The days of the big 4 are numbered.” According to me, his days as a fortune teller are.

To make such a statement just a day after the Blues and Liverpool have lost a game is very very appropriate. But totally opportunistic and incorrect.

To make such a statement, he must be really wasted out there somewhere. The reasons being

1. Even Totteham is doing better than his team
2. The only top 4 team he has beaten in the standings is Liverpool, who have of course given up for this season
3. For him to think about toppling Chelsea and United this season can be compared to Liverpool thinking about buying JT

So I would request everyone to ignore such claims by irrelevant people. Oh, I forgot! You would anyways not take him seriously. A nice Jacket and a Beverly Hills name doesn’t make someone a good orator, let alone a good manager.

Amen.

Jimmy Collins has done the moonwalk. True Story.

After scoring a goal after what seemed like three decades, the centre back let his emotions get over himself and proclaimed that he was over the moon.

Aston leapt on to 8th place with the win, and it seems that this season would see the battle for the 4th place hotting up as we move along.

Here is what he had to say

"But I was delighted – to get the winner in a game of this size is always nice.

"It is great scoring a goal for a new club early on. Dunny [Richard Dunne] has already got two so I had to catch him up! I’ve got one now and I’m over the moon.

"The delivery of the balls in from Ashley Young and James Milner is fantastic and I’m sure we’ll get a couple more this season.

"It was a big goal. Obviously we were disappointed to go a goal down when [we] had control of the game, but the lads showed great spirit in coming back to win 2-1."

Second Consecutive Away Defeat, Chelsea go down to a resilient Villa outfit, aided by their own stupidity

The day was going pretty great till Didier Drogba and Nicolas Anelka decided to screw it up for me. It was a lovely Saturday morning, add to that the fervour of Diwali and you have the ingredients of an auspicious day to come.

It was of course, not to be. Chelsea lost to Villa 1-2 and ruined the day. No, I want to correct myself. The defeat did not ruin my day, the way they managed to earn this defeat did. If the person who invented man-marking were alive today, we would surely have got his suicide note in tomorrow’s paper.

That was about the defence. Hold on, not yet. Whenever Villa wanted to charge, they were allowed to, and in a manner more fluent than we could ever achieve during the 90 minutes of torture.

Chelsea, as usual, got more chances, more shots on goal, and more opportunities to kill the game. But who cares about them. The conversion was as bad as it would ever get this season. What is the point of having so many chances, if there is only one goal to show for it?

Take a look at the following stats and let me know why a team with 68% possession, 7 shots on target, 21 shots, 9 corners, and with the keeper having to make only one save, lost 1-2. It is beyond me.

Ancelotti must be rueing his lap dance by now. He should have been here teaching these lads a thing or two about man marking.

Drogba put us in front in the 15th minute. But that was irrelevant as Aston bounced back and then ended up doubling their lead.

It is interesting what Chelsea FC has to say about this:

Drogba received the ball, back to goal, some 25 yards out, and given space to turn by his marker, did so, unleashing a speculative effort that bounced awkwardly in front of Villa goalkeeper Brad Friedel, and up into the net.

All good, but listen to the very next line, kind of sums up the game for me:

It was without question more than we deserved at that stage, having been wasteful in possession and of little threat going forward, but Villa had been equally uninspiring, with only the industrious Milner and the tricky Ashley Young on the opposite flank suggesting they could cause our backline much trouble.

If it would have been a more enterprising team today, we would have been thoroughly embarrassed. I was thanking god that it was an away game.

I do not want to talk about how they scored, specially the second goal (ask Nicolas Anelka).

Here are the formalities:

Aston Villa (4-4-2): Friedel; Cuellar, Collins, Dunne, Warnock; Milner, Sidwell, Petrov (c), Young; Carew (Heskey 81), Agbonlahor.
Scorers Dunne 31’, Collins 51’
Booked Agbonlahor 34’, Milner 90+2’

Chelsea (4-1-2-1-2): Cech; Bosingwa (Ivanovic 68), Carvalho, Terry (c), A Cole; Essien; Lampard, Malouda (J Cole 84); Deco; Anelka, Drogba.
Scorers Drogba 15’
Booked A Cole 45’

Now I know all the following jokes are in bad taste for us, but who cares. If you ain’t famous, no one talks about you. You don’t expect people to use their best creative minds cooking up Villa jokes, do you?

So here they are, the best of the web making fun of Chelsea

Every time Big Roger attends a Chelsea game he books 2 seats.
One to sit in, the other to throw when the fightin’ starts.

Two blokes were walking through a cemetery when they happened upon a tombstone that read:
"Here lies John Sweeney, a good man and a Chelsea fan."
So, one of them asked the other: "When the hell did they start putting two people in one grave?"

Q. Two Chelsea fans jump off a cliff. Which one hits the ground first?.
A. Who gives a F**K!

Q: What do you get when you cross a Chelsea Fan with a pig?
A: I don’t know, there are some things a pig just won’t do.

Q: What do you call a Chelsea fan on the moon?
A: A Problem.

Q: What do you call 100 Chelsea fans on the moon?
A: An even bigger problem.

Q: What do you call all the Chelsea fans on the moon?
A: Problem solved

Q: How do you define 144 Chelsea fans
A: Gross Stupidity

Q: Why did Chelsea go on the stock exchange?
A: To prove that crap can float.

Q: What is the difference between Gianfranco Zola and a mini?
A: A mini can only carry three passengers.

Q. Why do Chelsea fans whistle whilst sitting on the toilet?
A. So they know which end to wipe!

I’ve heard that Stamford Park has arguably the best pitch in the Premiership. Well…not entirely suprising considering all the sh*t that has been on there.

Q: What’s the difference between a Chelsea supporter and an Onion?
A: No one cries when you chop up a Chelsea fan!

Q: What do Chelsea keepers and singer Michael Michael Jackson both have in common?
A: Both wear gloves for no apparent reason.

We know by now that our Manager is one of those eccentric types. Now that leads him to some strange places. Exotic, but strange. Last seen, his senses were playing host to a beautiful Damsel on the Chiambretti Night, a talk show in Italy.

Take a look at the image here.

Now how much he liked it could be easily made out from the angst in his eyes – a cause for concern, maybe. Though he certainly loved it more than some gum-chewing hag would have.

We play Aston Villa next, and if some stories are to be believed, they love a pussy or two. Alas, if only we would stoop that low. Oh, and yeah, if only we wouldn’t win anyways.

Now there could have been many different ways to put this news through. What actually happened was something else, but who cares about what actually happened as long as it ain’t football.

Ancelotti was out there in Italy giving an interview to a channel about the usual crappy football manager stuff. He was, of course, asked questions about ‘the special one’, apart from questions about his sexual orientation and which side of the bed he sleeps on.

His reply was simple and funny – “If Morinho is God, then I am not one of his disciples. Seems like a great thing to say. Suits the mood of the interview as well. But I think that this is the  time we start to critically analyse our new manager. On the basis of his words.

It is ok that he has given us the best start we could have hoped for, but that sure as hell doesn’t give him universal bagging rights on Jose Morinho. That would be like taking the San Siro rivalry to London. We are far better off trying to focus on OUR problems. Problems such as:

1. The mental thing in which we still think Fulham is the biggest derby
2. The belief that people never turn 32 after they are 31
3. The belief that we can never win the Champions League unless we go back to League 2 and start over

I know that spite rules the minds of the Milan (AC) faithful, but we should not forget what JM gave Chelsea. Apart from the the belief that money can buy you happiness, he gave us the winning habit.

So Carlo Ancelotti, start focussing on football. No matter what you say, Wigan was easier than Liverpool.

Wednesday night Chelsea defeated QPR 1-0 but that was an expected result. There were important things other than winning yesterday. We fielded a side without Lampard or Terry after a long time. Joe Cole was returning from an injury and was made skipper for the night. No Anelka or Drogba. But still we won and more importantly, we were the better side throughout the contest.

In the present context , Joe Cole’s return was highly anticipated. The former West Ham skipper has been one of our consistent performers. He was playing in his first match since January and he did return in style. He was the skipper for the night and didnt disappoint. There was no signs of injury.He matched Wayne Routledge for pace in the early stages. Later in the first half he danced around Routledge and Akos Buzsaky before Martin Rowlands brought him down. And the deadlock was broken when he spun on the ball and slipped it to Kalou, whose crisp finish went in off the post.

Another anticipated thing was debut of Yuri Zhirkov. Zhirkov arrived this summer with a big reputation. But a knee injury kept him off the field. He wasnt anything spectacular yesterday, but was steady and supported strikers well. Paulo Ferreira is also coming back from an injury and had a decent game. With Cole, Zhirkov and Ferreira all fit we have a stronger squad depth than any other premierleague club, which is important considering the busy season ahead.

Another thing that Ancelotti tried to figure out yesterday was the capability of the squad to face a 2 transfer window ban. We need some youngsters in the squad if we are to face the ban. Youngster’s who are capable of filling in for their highly acclaimed first team players. Two names were tested yesterday: Fabio Borini and Sam Hutchinson. A striker and a centre back. Borini had a mixed day, he showed good pace and positioning but was below par with his finishing. Hutchinson, the Dutch defender had a much better evening. He recieved a noisy round of applause when substituted by Terry. The youngster had lost the better part of last 2 seasons to injuries. Defence was good yesterday, although Terry and Ashley Cole were called in the end to protect the lead.

Still I have some reservations though about yesterdays match. First of all, I expected 2 more debuts yesterday: Nemanja Matic and Jeffrey Bruma. Matic arrived only this year, and return of Joe Cole and Zhirkov were eagerly anticipated. But I expected Bruma to start yesterday instead of  Ivanovic or Belletti. Hopefully they will be given chance next time. Another worrying factor was that Lampard’s services were recalled when we found it difficult to score in the first half. Well this guy has been one of our best players, but he should be given the occasional rest. Deco should have been given a chance. Nevertheless we won, thats more important for me. Hope Chelsea win again this weekend at Wigan.

Chelsea continued its impressive start to the season, adding another 3 points to the tally.

Before the match, i wasn’t very confident considering Chelsea’s earlier performances. Wins against Stoke and Porto weren’t convincing. Moreover Spurs had one of their best starts to the season. The Sunday matches were supposed to be a real test for Man City and Spurs as it would show how good they are against the big four. Both teams fared very differently in this test.

Man City played like a big club for 95 mins. They had lower possession compared to United and they attacked less compared to United. But whenever they went forward, they showed intent. Defensive errors from Foster and Ferdinand didnt help United’s cause. But all these changed after 95 mins.  City’s luck ran out as referee Martin Atkinson became the star for United. The motto was keep playing until United win? No one knows for sure but the whistle which should have gone 26 seconds before United’s goal went 16 seconds after United’s celebrations. Any way as it happens United got another 3 points.

The Stamford Bridge derby was a much better affair. We were the better side and deserved 3 points from this match. But once again there was a hand of Webb in it. Spurs would remember it better, a scandalous penalty decision from last season when Tottenham were the visitors, and coasting at 2-0 up. It ended as United 5- Spurs 2. Keane deserved a penalty for sure, but i still don’t understand how Keane’s demand to book him for diving would have helped the cause. But other than that we played well, deserved the goals. Our strikers and midfield are combining well, Ashley Cole showed that he can score goals too. With Joe Cole getting fit we shouldn’t be much worried about the ban.

Elsewhere, Arsenal got back into top gear. But this is how they play these days, thrashing weaker opposition and struggling against better teams. Liverpool collected 3 points but were far from convincing. It was one mans(Torres/ Gerrard these days) brilliance that carried them through. No doubt  Benitez will be seeing flashing images of Zavon Hines whenever he closes his eyes this week. And do something about the dysfunctional zonal marking system.

So another week at the top of the table. QPR is visiting us midweek ( Carling Cup) . And we are travelling to Wigan this weekend. Should be 2 easy fixtures, but cant afford to slip up.

they are next, let the games begin…

We are back to the Premier League after an International break. A lot of things happened on and off the field. On field, Brazil qualified for world cup after defeating Argentina. More importantly for the EPL fans, Spain and England booked their places in South Africa behind Netherlands.

Off the field child trafficking was the major issue, with Chelsea at the receiving end of it. Now all that matters is football, so lets restrict our discussions to matters on the field.

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nothing to die about…

All of us know that FIFA has handed the Blues a ban on signing players till January 2011. That was about a week ago. A lot of water has flown under the Bridge since then. Players are concerned about it, some have even voiced their views. A few are saying that it will be overturned, or reduced. A few are optimistically saying that this will charge the team to do great. The team is indeed doing great these days. There is no reason that should discontinue. Ban or no ban.

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